31 Things I've Learned by 31

May 10, 2025

We have officially survived (and kind of thrived) in our first year in our 30s.

What a ride.

I'm sitting down at my little table on my new patio in Orange County, writing this a couple of days before I turn 31 and reflecting on my past year as a 30-year-old. If you are new here, I do this every single year because I take birthdays VERY seriously. I mean, it's the only day out of the whole entire year that is entirely yours, folks. Beyond that, it's so symbolic—symbolic of growth, change, wisdom... and it's also just fun to reflect back on everything that happened during that year of your life.

Here's my two cents you definitely didn't ask for:

Before your next birthday—just pause. Take some time to scroll back through the photos on your phone and think about all the milestones and life lessons. You don't have to make a full-blown list like I always do, but just jot down a few things, okay? Then go get yourself a fat piece of cake (or a glass of wine), throw yourself a little party (even if you are solo) because you deserve to feel special, light a candle—and make a damn wish.

Life is too short to not make little things into a big celebration.

Before I get into everything I learned, I just want to give a message to the 20-something-year-old who may stumble upon this.

When I turned 30... I freaked the f%ck out.

I was not where I wanted to be in life, not where I expected to be, and to be honest, I just felt so behind and SO lost. Growing up, I expected to turn 30 and be in a relationship, married, living in a big house with a white picket fence, and probably holding a baby on my hip.

If you can't tell... I grew up in a small town in Texas.

So when 30 rolled around and I had none of that, I felt like the biggest failure.

But guess what? My life didn't end. My life didn't get worse because my timeline didn't match others'. And what I thought my life should look like at 30... turned out to be something I don't actually want.

I turned 30 and realized there's a big world out there and so much life to live. You have options, and most importantly—you have time.

While I didn't do what many other 30-year-olds do at this stage in life, nor did my "milestones" look like some others', here is a little list and recap of what I did accomplish this year:

I lived in Lisbon for 6 weeks and made lifelong friends.
I bought an apartment there too! I've never bought any piece of real estate and I somehow managed to do it alone and in a foreign country.
I brought 24 girls to Portugal and another 15 girls to Bali and helped them fall in love with traveling.
I spent many days in Sydney, Australia because I loved someone and wore my heart on my sleeve.
I dealt with a breakup, made it to the other side, and smiled again.
I stayed consistent with therapy and even had sessions on 3 different continents.
I quit making a podcast because it no longer served me.
I signed a 6-figure deal with a dream brand and also launched my own social media course to help others do the same.
I flew to Ibiza for 12 hours with a girl that I met two weeks before—now that is a story to tell.
On that note, I created two collections of "unhinged" hats and sold out every single one.
I lost followers on Instagram—and stopped caring.
I used my college degree again and got to report from the red carpet at an awards show in Nashville.
I witnessed many friends get married and have babies—and I couldn't be happier for them (& to be the fun auntie and hot bridesmaid).
I healed from old wounds and worked hard to not let my anxiety control me. We are getting there!
I decided to move from Tennessee, go back to California, and I found a new home that I absolutely love in Orange County.

I worked hard, and I played harder. I had some losses, and I had a hell of a lot more love.

See? Living proof that life doesn't end when you enter your 30s. It only gets better—if you allow it.

31 things I've learned by 31

You get one life and tomorrow isn’t guaranteed – so do whatever YOU want to do. Who cares if it doesn't look like what your parents or friends or society wants? A wise person once said, "Your life is not yours if you care what other people think."
Your life doesn’t end when you hit your 30s. In fact, it’s just beginning. Read above... I'd like to think I am living proof.
F%ck a timeline. Make your own. We hit 30 and all of a sudden everyone likes to ask when you are planning on getting married and settling down. I think the best response to that is, "when and if I want."
The people who get upset from you setting boundaries are the people who benefit from you having none. This was probably one of the most impactful statements my therapist ever gave me and something I, as a people pleaser, constantly remind myself. Pay attention to those who react when you set boundaries and you will learn so much.
You really don’t need alcohol to have a good time and the hangover likely isn’t worth it. Long gone are the days of 3-day benders and waking up without hanxiety... unless you feel like paying for an overpriced IV and extra therapy session – choose wisely. Also, mocktails are good!
On the contrary… it’s really fun to full send it and be unhinged on occasion. I have discovered I like to be woo-woo wellness girl with a sprinkle of party girl... everything in moderation ;)
It’s okay to change your interests as you get older. Have as many “phases” as you want because it’s fun! I'm currently in a music festival rave phase and LOVING it. Will it last forever? Absolutely not. But it's fun and I can't wait to dye my hair pink. Who knows what my next phase will be, but it keeps life interesting.
When people show you their true colors, believe them instead of trying to change them. You cannot change people, you cannot control them... the only thing you can do is LET THEM (thank you, Mel Robbins).
Change is scary but being complacent is scarier. Take it from a girl who decided to change it up and move across the country to a new city with no direction... and now I am the happiest I have ever been. You can be complacent and comfortable but you will never know if it gets better until you dive in headfirst and embrace some change.
One of the biggest strengths is the ability to say no. If it's not a hell yes... it's a f%ck no. I've never enjoyed myself EVER when I went to something that I deep down wanted to say no to. Stick to your gut and know that it's better to disappoint someone else with your answer than to disappoint yourself by not doing what is best for you.
What makes sense to you doesn’t need to make sense to others – nor do you owe anyone an explanation.
Wear your SPF and take care of your skin. Botox will only go so far as you age. This is coming from a girl who has had more melanoma scares than she can count and is quickly getting more scars than Frankenstein. Being tan is not worth it and it's not cute to look like a wrinkly leather handbag by age 40.
The grass is always greener on the other side – quit scrolling and comparing. It's really easy to see someone's highlight reel and feel envious. But the reality is, you never know what is going on behind closed doors. Comparison is the thief of all joy!
If you leave a situation feeling worse than when you started – make a change. This goes for social events, meeting new people, scrolling on Instagram, logging onto a dating app... If something makes me feel worse than when I started, I am doing something about it. I am going to mute an account, delete a conversation, put a boundary, etc. Pay attention to how you feel before versus after and realize... you are in control.
“If you make friends with yourself, you will never be alone.”
Don’t settle just because you’re scared. What is scarier is living a life wondering "what if." I think this particularly applies to dating as you get older!
Breakups are never easy but they are part of life. It’s easier if you look at it as redirection, not rejection. Trust me, I get it. Heartache is enough to make you never want to open up your heart again but give yourself time to mourn and cry all the tears, and then realize... if something ended it is because it was never actually FOR YOU. And now you're one step closer to finding what is. That's kind of magical?
Let go of control… whatever is going to happen is going to happen and there’s nothing you can do about it. This is coming from the most Type A, organized, list-making, controlling gal on the planet. No matter HOW many lists I make... I simply cannot control a situation or what may happen. Try your best to let go, let life and roll with the punches (then pop a Xanax).
Life doesn’t give you what you want, it gives you what you need. This has been the HARDEST pill for me to swallow this year because when I want something – I pursue it relentlessly. What I have learned though is that life isn't going to hand you every single thing you want... wouldn't that be lovely? But in every situation, even when you think the results are shit or everything went wrong, you truly do get what you NEED.
Stop searching for the answers and start seeking out the lessons. Those, in turn, will lead you to your answers. When I turned 30, I literally packed a bag, ran away to Portugal and the whole time I kept saying, "All answers lie in Lisbon." Turns out – I was so freaking wrong. I actually didn't get any of these answers I was seeking but I learned so much about myself and what I want from life. I stopped seeking this magical answer to solve my problems and I actually let go and enjoyed my time there. I left to go home with an apartment that is all mine, a new home away from home, and lifelong friends who quite literally changed my life.
The most freeing and empowering feeling is when… you simply stop giving a shit.
Pick up the phone and call your parents, grandparents & family… one day you won’t be able to anymore. This year I lost a grandparent and it hit me that as I get older, time goes by quicker. And the people in my life won't always be there. Call your parents, say the “I love yous,” and make the time. Also – save voicemails. You never know when you won't get to hear someone's voice anymore and it's a nice memory to have (sorry for getting morbid here).
You are never stuck – and you’re allowed to change your interests, your desires, your path. This year, I had a hard time letting go of the old me. I felt like a total fraud because I didn't want to have a workout app anymore or I changed my mind on where I wanted to live or that I started liking house music instead of country music... but guess what? That's life, baby. You aren't going to stay the same. And if you are scared of people judging you... well, those aren't your people.
Money comes and goes, but the memories are forever. There’s a balance between saving your money and living your life. This is not me telling you to go blow all your money on a lavish vacation, but this is me telling you that you aren't going to be buried with your money either. I learned that I would rather spend my money on experiences than saving every single penny to buy a house because apparently that’s what people are supposed to do when they hit 30 (also, let's be real. I live in California. I will be renting here forever).
Pilates and strength training is the winning combination. Low-impact workouts have changed my body (and my mental health) for the better. You don't need to kill yourself in the gym and you absolutely don't ever need to do a burpee again. Slow and steady > crazy high cortisol levels.
Quitting something isn’t considered a failure. There’s strength in knowing what no longer serves you.
If you feel called somewhere or to do something, chase that feeling because your life is either about to change or you are about to learn something important.
Stop trying to figure out why something happened; instead, give yourself time. Things happen for you, not to you. Every single time something has gone wrong in my life this past year, at some point I looked to God and asked, "WHY?" – and fast forward two weeks, two months, whatever... it ALL made sense to me. So instead of wasting your time trying to figure out the reasoning, just be patient. Focus on other good things in your life, go take a Pilates class and check back in later because I can guarantee you will have a lightbulb moment and understand why that needed to happen.
Not everything needs to be posted online and there is so much more to life than social media. Literally no one is going to remember (or care) about what you posted when you are 75. I realized far too much of my life revolved around what I could post online, what piece of content I needed to create, the engagement and clicks I would receive – so much so that I was missing out on my own life. I was posting things before I even had time to process my own emotions and living in the hamster wheel that is Instagram. It's really easy to get wrapped up in social media (and I do realize... it literally IS my full-time job), but it's also okay to have boundaries and to give yourself breaks. Your real life > your social media life.
What you put out comes back to you tenfold. This year I really focused on giving back with NO expectations – this goes for my friends, my family, my followers online. And what I learned was, if you put out good to the world... it WILL come back to you in one way or another. Don't keep score but just trust in good ole karma. She is always working.
When in doubt… do it scared. 🫶 My word of the 2025 year was “fearless” and I think it is so fitting for where I am in life. Do I know what my future holds or what 31 may look like? No clue. Am I terrified? Absolutely. But guess what – we do it scared.

Bonus lesson: ChatGPT is incredible? Where was this when I was in college? They just spell checked this entire blog post and my life will never be the same.