Today’s post is going to be a heavy one. We are talking about something we all dread - heartbreak.
*Cue Celine Dion’s ‘My Heart Will Go On’*
I have been wanting to write about this topic for awhile now, mainly because I did a poll on Instagram about topics you all want me to cover on here and at least half of the answers included something about relationships, heartbreak & how to cope. As an avid list maker, I feel like I can’t reallyyyy move forward and talk about the fun stuff (i.e. traveling, fashion or fitness) until I check this off my list.
Seriously, I made a list. No one should be surprised.
While you are probably thinking this blog post is going to be sad and somber (some of it will be, TBH), my main hope is that it gives you peace of mind.
Peace of mind knowing that you aren’t alone.
Peace of mind knowing that you will survive your heartbreak.
Peace of mind knowing that with time comes healing and happiness.
Part of me honestly wanted to skip this topic and just MOVE THE HELL ON. I recently did the FML Talk podcast with Gabrielle Stone (linking it because I know someone will ask me) and I was able to finally open up about what I went through in my past relationship. Let me tell ya… I felt like a massive weight - not even just a weight, like a massive freakin’ boulder - had been lifted off my chest. I was SO nervous about what people may say and the judgment I may face, but all I knew was that deep down I desperately wanted to move forward.
I couldn’t do that until I told my story.
Once it came out, I figured I would be done speaking about it. I mean, the last thing I want is to be a broken record? Like, the girl who just keeps repeating the same sad story. Trust me, I freaking get it… no one likes that.
So when I sat down on this lovely Saturday afternoon to knock out a blog post, I really wasn’t planning on writing about this “heartbreak” topic. But guys… I couldn’t shake it from my brain.
Come on Morgan, just do a post about fashion “must haves” and call it a day. No reason to go down memory lane and torture yourself.
Ha. Jokes on me. This lil ole brain of mine does not work like that.
If I know that I can somehow be of help to someone out who needs to read this, that’s what I am going to do. I have to write it. Plain and simple. After the podcast dropped, I was literally floored by the outpouring of messages I received from women (and men!) letting me know how much my story helped them and how much they could relate to what I went through.
And that’s when I realized… I think I know exactly why I had to go through all the (for lack of better terms) bull shit that I went through?!
It was so that I could help people.
So I could speak out.
So I could be a light.
That’s why I am writing this blog post. Because I want to continue helping others… and healing myself while doing so. I seriously wish that when I initially went through my breakup, I would have had some amazing, bubbly, pink-loving blonde on the internet (hehe) who would have a blog post that I could have read to help me.
So here I am!
Your internet bff. Comin' in clutch (I hope).
If you follow me on the ‘gram, you know how much I talk about how writing and talking through my emotions helps me cope. Every time I share something, a little piece of my heart seems to mend. Little by little, I am finding strength by speaking out and being vulnerable. Isn’t that crazy? Like who knew that spilling your heart to 300,000 people on social media would actually be… kinda helpful?
While I am not completely 100% healed just yet (I WISH I could snap my fingers and be fine and dandy all the time), I am continuing to push forward day by day. And I hope if you are out there and you are struggling with any type of heartache, you can look at me and think “if she can do it, so can I.”
So let’s dig in, shall we?
Heartbreak and How To Heal: 7 Steps That Have Helped Me.
Let me first say that no heartache is the same. We all cope in different ways and everyone’s journey to healing is SO DIFFERENT. I wish there was some kind of foolproof manual written by sweet baby Jesus Himself to help us get through all the emotions that come with a broken heart… but like, there isn’t. That would just make life way too easy, right?
So we just have to do the best we can.
These are some of the things that helped me out & are still helping me to this day. Remember, this is what is helpful for me. I’m just sharing so you can hopefully find strength, peace, and comfort from my words.
I have a little white and gold notebook that I keep on my kitchen table by my laptop at all times. It’s labeled “FEELINGS” in black Sharpie so now when I am battling something that I can’t seem to stop thinking about - I go straight to the “feelings” journal.
After my breakup, I would sit and write in this journal until my hand would literally go numb and I couldn’t write anymore. So my first tip is: WRITE OUT EVERYTHING. Thoughts, emotions, how your day went, what you are angry about, lists of what you want in future relationships… anything you can think of, just write it down. I found that once I got my thoughts out on paper, I could better process them.
What’s even better? Now I am able to look back at some of my early journal entries and see HOW FAR I HAVE COME. Sometimes I will go back and read my words and my heart will honestly ache for that girl in the past. Like, did I really go through all of that? It’s hard to believe. But then it’s nice to see how far I have come. The journal entries get stronger and more confident as time goes on… and that my friends, is proof of healing.
#2: The “Chin Up, Girl” Playlist
I’ll keep this one short and sweet - listen to this breakup playlist. Probably one of the best Spotify playlists I have made thus far - not to toot my own horn. I think I listened to it on REPEAT for 2 months straight. Sometimes all you need to do is sing at the top of your lungs while simultaneously crying in your car. Sounds crazy… but it helps.
#3: New Hobbies + Projects
Was there something you put on the back burner during your relationship? A passion project? A hobby? A goal or dream?
If you are in the same boat as me, you poured all of your time and energy into someone else and you didn’t have a lot of extra time to focus on YOU.
Guess what? Now you do.
SO DO IT.
I found that taking on new projects and pouring all my time + energy into things I was passionate about was so incredibly helpful for my healing. Not only did it keep my mind occupied, it made me realize how much I had forgotten about myself. In fact, the only reason I am sitting here writing this blog is because of my breakup and the spare time I had afterwards. I discovered how much I LOVE writing and that my friends, is a silver lining (IYKYK).
#4: Cut all communication
Block them on everything. Plain and simple.
This sounds incredibly harsh but you need to do whatever is best for YOU in order to move forward and find peace. Why do you need to creep on their social media page? Why do you need to look at your texts and wonder if they may reach out? Why do you need to see if they viewed your story? This is only going to keep you in a never ending cycle of total mental warfare. This was absolutely the hardest thing I had to do but I realized it was necessary in order to heal.
You don't need to know what they are doing & they don't deserve access to your life anymore to know what you are doing.
Don't torture yourself. Cut the communication so you can move forward and not backwards.
***P.S. Everyone’s situation is very different and I do want to make it known that your situation may not be exactly like mine, therefore this may not be something you feel like you need to do. Had to toss that out there so I don't sound totally evil LOL.
#5: Surround yourself with family & friends.
When you are dealing with heartbreak, you feel so alone. I think that is what is the hardest? Going from having a person to having… only yourself? I remember laying in bed at night and crying because I felt so lonely. Sure, you may have gotten out of a bad situation, but that doesn’t stop the gut wrenching feeling of sudden loneliness.
Anytime this would happen, I would pick up the phone and call my family or best friends. (Sorry mom for calling you probably 10 times a day). After talking to them, I would be reminded that I am NOT alone. I have an amazing support system that will never, ever go away.
Utilize phone calls, Facetimes, group texts. Plan dinner dates with girlfriends. Grab a neighbor and go on a walk. Shoot, if you feel like you don’t have someone to do this with… DM me on Instagram and we can chat!
You are never alone.
You may have lost the love of a partner, but you still have a lot of love in your life in other places - you just have to open your eyes.
#6: Stop romanticizing
It’s SO easy to look back and think about the good times. Trust me… BEEN THERE, DONE THAT. I am the queen of romanticizing “what could have been.” Instead, it’s time to take off the rose colored glasses and remember the truth of what actually happened.
This is also going to sound harsh, but sometimes you need some tough love in order to heal, right?
Every time you are tempted to go back and romanticize your past relationship… write down everything you no longer have to deal with. Fear, anxiety, cheating, gaslighting, whatever it may be… write that sh*t down. I promise once you look at that list, you will no longer be thinking about what could have been.
#7: Trust the process & take your time.
I legitimately thought I wouldn’t be happy again. I feel so silly even typing that statement but IT IS TRUE?! It seems daunting to look at the future and wonder what it holds and if you will ever heal. You will heal. I didn’t believe it when people told me that and it would make me so incredibly angry when people would say “it just takes time” - well what if I don’t want to wait??? I want to be better NOW.
Remember that pain won’t last forever.
It’s not going to happen overnight and I honestly can’t tell you how long it will take because I still don’t really have the answer myself. But just take your time. Do whatever YOU need to do and don’t worry about anyone else. Trust the process and trust that you are in a better place now than you were before - you just may not realize it yet.
Holy crap my hands are on fire from typing.
Someone sent me a quote on Instagram this morning and I screenshot it because it really hit me hard and I think it's a great way to wrap this blog post up.
“We don’t always get to choose our situations, but we can choose how we live through them.”
Wherever you are at... hang in there. Keep living!